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The Downward Spiral

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The talk [Jan. 7th, 2007|12:02 am]
The Downward Spiral
"Connor wait"

I really had hoped this wouldn't happen now. Connor seemed to be ok as long as Faith was around and I figured that might buy me some time before we would have to talk about what happened between us, but I was wrong. Connor had taken one look at Wes and I in the basement and it was all over from there. Not even the fact that Faith was there was keeping him from taking off, again, and he made absolutely no effort to hide how true that was as he took off up the stairs. With a sigh, and not even so much as a glance behind me, I followed him.

He didn't get far before I was on him; hands on his shoulders and turning him toward me where I knew he had no choice but to pay attention. This was probably going to be one of the hardest conversations I'd ever have to have. Not only was talking to Connor like talking to a wall some times, but we were about to talk us and our baby, two issues Connor obviously hated me for even though neither one was truly my fault.

"Connor listen..." I started and then had absolutely no clue where to go from there.

I wanted to tell him that what we had wasn't real but that would have been a lie. It was real for him, very real and nothing in the world was going to change that. The demon, or whatever it was, that had crawled around inside me and made me do things I never would have done otherwise had taken advantage of Connors feelings for me and when it had left my body it had taken all those warm feelings of his with it. Now all I was looking at was the cold hard face of the boy whose diapers I used to change.

I decided to skip all the before stuff and head right into the baby conversation.

"I want to know what happened to our baby just as much as you do. And, we will figure it out. But, we have to be patient. If we don't get Angel's soul back, kill the beast and turn the sun back on, what sort of place is this going to be for our baby anyway? Think about it Connor, think about what it was like for you. Do you want the same sort of childhood for our baby?"

It was true, all of it. I wanted to know what happened to my baby just as much as he did but, if we didn't do what needed to be done now, what sort of life would we be giving that child...if there even was a child that is. All, I could do was hope Connor would see this, and understand.

I was hoping for a miracle.

[[Open for Connor]]
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Connor predictably storms off. [Dec. 24th, 2006|12:20 pm]
The Downward Spiral

[mood |busy]

We had managed to finagle Connor away from his rage for long enough to get Angel down to my jeep. I quickly surmised by observing the events that had led to us going down the stairs, Cordy in front of me, both of us behind Faith and Connor carrying Angelus, that Connor was responding to Faith's show of power.

It turned out, that once again, I was very much accurate in my assertion, for both Cordy and I could see that Connor smiled as Angel tried to get away, tied up, and Faith pummedled him with a barrage of right hands to his face, incapacitating Angelus, probably unconscious.

Connor's kicking him in the ribs, with brutality, seemed to be a bit of overkill, but only served to prove my point. Faith and Angel crowded the backseat, keeping Angelus, who was temporarily unconscious, in between of them, and after I had shot two demons, one vampire and one Murkata demon, the Murkata now dead, Cordy and I filled the front two seats.

I wasn't about to quabble about Connor's obvious distaste for Angelus or Angel, who might very well be back soon. This was far more productive then was pointing a gun at him and potentially facing his wrath. I screamed away from outside of Connor's apartment and within minutes, we were back at the Hyperion.

Once there, We quickly dragged Angel downstairs, and Faith and Connor tossed him into the cage, and locked the door. Connor looked at Faith and seemed to be okay, but then, he decided to look our way, and had a hateful expression for Cordy, for some reason related to the strange birth of their child and for me for pointing the gun at him.

He rushed past us and as much as I wanted to speak to her about her conversation with Willow so that I could ascertain when Willow would be here, Cordy decided to chase Connor, leaving Faith and I looking at each other, Angelus starting to stir inside of the cage.

"Connor is a timebomb, Faith, but he seems to respond to you like he used to respond to Cordy. I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with Cordy trying to control Connor right now, maybe you should go after them and get Cordy back down here?"

As I said it, Angelus, through the bars, grabbed at Faith's leg and she now seemed determined to stay here and make sure that Angel was secured.

I walked up the stairs and saw that Cordy had actually managed to corral Connor by the shoulders, and seemed to have him at least listening to her.

"Cordy seems to have Connor under some control..."

[Faith and Angelus]
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Hog tied and ready for round up, so what now? [Dec. 6th, 2006|12:30 pm]
The Downward Spiral
I really wasn't down with the whole damsel in distress thing. The fact that Angel had managed to get me into that head lock only proved what Wes had been sayin earlier....I had gone soft. Dude, what was a girl to do? One minute their preachin' the wonderful world of redemption in your ear and the next their tellin' you to get tough, release your inner killer. Not that gettin' medieval on Angelus wasn't appealing right about now, it was just a devil on one shoulder and an even bigger one on the other sort of thing. All I knew was this was turning out to be one hell of an adventure.

As if bustin' out of prison hadn't been excitin' enough, Wes then loads me up with all the ins and outs of Angel Inc's sudden fall from grace. Angelus was back, LA was wrapped up good and tight in total darkness brought on by some big beastie thing from God knows where. Most of the team was dead and Cordy had a baby with Angel's son. Yeah, let's not forget Angel has a son. I still couldn't wrap my head around that one even though I was lookin' right at the little freak. And here I was thinkin' my award winning jail break would be for nothin'. Man was I ever wrong.

"This isn't going to work. The guy who took my soul away is dead. What are you going to do, get Willow here before I escape again?" I pulled hard on the rope as I finished noting it. He laughed. "I don't think so."

"You aint goin' no where big guy." I said into his ear and patted him on the chest.

Not right now at least, but those ropes wouldn't hold him forever. We were gonna need some heavy duty restraints and maybe even a cage. Hell he can have my old cell if he wants. I sure as hell wasn't usin' it anymore.

I stood up, keepin' a good eye on him this time. No way was I gonna let him get another drop on me like the last one. Wes was right,I was soft. I never would have let him take me like that back in the day. Well, except that one time when he and B tricked me into believin' Angelus was back, when he wasn't. Come to think of it, I was still pretty sore about that.

"So Wes, what's the plan?"

[Open to Wes, Conner, Cordy & Angel]
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A slithering sodding bug in my eye. [Nov. 29th, 2006|01:07 am]
The Downward Spiral

[mood |crappycrappy]

The fight with Angel had pushed me over the edge. No, not the sodding puppeted side of me that the First chose to make its bitch.

It pushed me, Spike, with a soul over the edge. This bloody had to stop. I mean, for all I knew the First could make this spell that Giles, Red and monkey boy had planned for me.

I had tried to kill Buffy. I didn't even know if that was true, because I couldn't sodding remember, but I don't think that I was trying to make love with her when I lost the time. Had a hard time believing that and more then that, my rage was so intense, that I had bitten into Angel.

Couldn't understand that one. Could see the First trying to buggering control me in order to eliminate the slaya from its path, but Angel? He was evil right now, and it would stand to reason that the First wouldn't want me to harm him, but there it was. I had bitten him. The First must have wanted me to harm him. Probably didn't like him too bloody much. Finally, something to almost smile about. Bloody almost.

Giles was getting a sodding kick out of this, too. No doubt about it. He wanted to stick that thing in my eye and my inclination was to say that if anything else got put into my head, then there wouldn't be any room left for my brain, but knew that Buffy wasn't in the mood for hysterics with Angel on the loose and demons everywhere in the city. Besides, Giles would just make a remark about the size of my brain, anyway, and if we waited, there stood the chance that the First could make me its bitch again and then I might hurt other people or be forced into getting staked by the woman that I loved.

Willow chanted and the thing came to life, and I was sodding concerned.

"I don't know what this bloody thing is going to do to me. Just so everyone is clear, I want this sodding trigger gone, but I am not the one who came up with this idea, in case I lose the time again and start biting people that I loath's necks."

The thing worked its way up my cheek and squirmed directly into my eye and let me just say, it didn't sodding tickle.

I grabbed my right eye and held it, as the thing slithered into my brain. "OWWWWWWWWW."

[Buffy, Giles, Willow, Xander and Dawn]
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There's nothing like the blood of your loins to guide you. [Nov. 21st, 2006|09:37 am]
The Downward Spiral

[mood |giddygiddy]

The fight with Buffy and Spike had not gone the way that I had planned. I had wanted to kill Spike because he was a pain in the ass. Even if I could get him to see my way of thinking, he was too crazy at this point to be any use to me, even though he had roamed with me in the past. Besides, he was a pain in the ass and I didn't like him and had liked his poetry at one point.

He had drained me of some of my blood, so I needed to retool and did that by killing two sisters right outside of their house after fleeing the scene of the fight with Buffy and Spike. I was trying to figure out what the hell Spike's problem was. Why would he be helping Buffy, then seem to want to attack her? Why would he bite flesh out of me? I wouldn't have seen that coming from miles away.

Worst of all, my plans to kill Spike, hurt Buffy really bad, and who knows, maybe even sexually assault her for a trip down memory lane and then take Dawn and start the real terrorizing of Buffy by making Dawn a demon...had been banished, and the cavalry had been coming. I saw Giles, Willow and Xander from on high after I had split.

I got my kills and was now torn of two minds. I wanted Dawn to be a demon. There wasn't a better way to make Buffy feel eternal anguish. Sure, she would come after me, but she would not only be facing me at that point. She would be facing her sister too, and I would have made sure that Dawn was ready to fight against a slayer. I would make her the most evil thing walking the land, outside of me of course.

I still wanted to go back for them, and would, but first, ther ewas Wesley, there was Cordelia and there was the punk of my spunk to deal with. The beast had beat me to killing Gunn and Fred and though I had killed Lorne, I hadn't drained him and once more, my plans had failed.

All was not lost, though, because there was nothing as powerful as blood to lead me right to them, even in a city where blood was being spilled on every block. That blood was piercing, and made me long for another kill, but unlike those vampires killing below, I had an agenda and was actually a threat. Besides, the blood that I wanted was getting closer and I couldn't believe that I hadn't gone here sooner. Connor was there, Cordelia was there, and I believed that I smelled the faintest of traces of Wesley and his grief and fear. Somebody else was there, but I couldn't help but smile when I thought about Wesley and his grief. He had found the bodies of Fred, Gunn and Lorne. His love of Fred would now make him easy to convert, even without turning him. He was already over the edge and had been since the other half of me had tried to smother him months back.

Now, I knew. I didn't know about Cordy's pregnancy. Something wasn't right there. But, all was not lost. I was about to find out. Easy pickings were afoot. Wesley probably had a gun, but Cordy would be easy to kill and it would be so fitting, since she had betrayed the other side of me in order to sleep with the runty punk of my spunk.

When those two were gone, I would finally get that chance to face Connor the way that he had always wanted to. I wouldn't turn him, though. I would hurt him, and badly, and make him face more loss, just to see how far over the edge that he went.

The plan was brilliant, if I did say so myself, and it was time to live it. I crashed in through the window, only I didn't expect to see Faith there. This just became tougher, but I still had a smile on my face.

"A bonus. I get slayer blood tonight. I almost did earlier, but now, I don't think that I'll fail."

Wesley raised the gun to fire, but like lightning, I charged him and grabbed his hand before he could pull the trigger and flung the gun out of the window and him, hard into the wall. He wouldn't be getting up for a while. This was tougher, now, but not altogether bad. Faith couldn't take me and already knew it.

[Faith, Connor, Wesley and Cordy]
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Los Angeles is a death zone. It's fitting. [Nov. 17th, 2006|10:33 am]
The Downward Spiral

[mood |Business-like]

I took a chopper into Los Angeles and the pilot didn't even want to fly here. I had the temptation to ask him if he was a man or a mouse. This is what we did, we flew into warzones and we did it well. Now, however, we wouldn't be doing it well, because there was nobody left but me and the pilot. He was army. He was going to keep his job with the army, but our project would be shut down, permanently. The Pentagon might make a fuss about me leaving, but I didn't think so. I wasn't cut out for standard military duty and let's be honest, with all of my rage, I wasn't the right man for the job anymore.

My job lay solely, for the moment, in finding out about this Wolfram and Hart connection with why all of my men, and my wife had been killed and after dealing violently with that issue, I would somehow figure out my next move.

I gave the pilot instructions as I looked down and the saw the very building in question, the very building that had been the focal point of all of my grief and rage after what had happened to my unit, had happened. The building itself looked like the harbinger of all things bad.

I told him to put down here and got my machine gun, and my stakes ready. It was obviously a demon and vampire playground below, but I was the wrong victim to cross right now and in the near future. I wanted answers, definitely, but I also wanted blood, human, or demon, and didn't care of which I spilled. They had taken my best friend and my wife from me.

"Set dow here, Captain, and report to Washington. You'll be reassigned. Maybe they'll continue to fight demons and continue the mission with a new unit? Maybe not? Either way, it will be without me, and from this point forward, the army will be without me. Can you deliver that message along wih the other details during your debriefing?"

He looked at me and nodded and that was enough for me.

I leapt out of the plane and started towards the building. Surprisingly, nothing attacked me. Nothing on the streets attacked me and nothing that was guarding this possibly demon infected building attacked me. I opened the doors as I heard the chopper and my army career drifting, flying away.

I saw demons in here and shot every one that I saw, dead. A receptionist who was human, saw me coming and cowered. "Take me to your leader," I said, demonstratively and she pointed to the elevator and told me thirtieth floor. I walked past fearful humans, who couldn't be good, working at this place, but I didn't kill any humans, yet.

I ended up reaching the thirtieth floor about five minutes later and when I got out, I walked towards the name given to me, the name of Lindsey McDonald's office. The door was closed, but I kicked it open, noticed the short, but well-dressed man and pointed the gun at him as I stepped closer to him, wordless.

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A house apparently unguarded. [Nov. 17th, 2006|09:07 am]
The Downward Spiral

[mood |curiouscurious]

Tonight had been no different from any of the other nights that I had known since coming to Sunnydale. Okay, sure, it was true, many nights, I didn't go outside. And then there were other nights when I did go outside in which the vampire population didn't seem out of control, but on a lot of nights, I had my stakes on me, and my martial arts skills and was forced to use both.

This night had ben one of the latter nights, except on this night, I had killed two vampires and as I moved closer to my destination, I walked with stealth and secrecy, noticing the gentleman who weren't really gentleman at all, with their robes and strange, almost no eyes. I couldn't believe that they didn't have eyes at all, because if that were the truth, then how could they see where they were going?

I didn't know the answer to that question, but what I could instantly notice was that they seemed to be going to the same place that I was. As I used cars and trees for protection, or should I say, cover, I realized that the two that I had locked on to, were doing much of the same thing, like they were planning a surprise attack.

I was going to see Buffy. I hadn't told her that I knew what she was, but I did. She was like my mother, and reminded me of her in so many ways. Buffy was in one word, incredible. Seeing her the way that she was in school...others in my position, a position of power over her there might have regarded her with suspicion, but not me. I knew that what she did, she did out of protection...she did for the betterment of Sunnydale. It was why I wanted her in the school and it was time to come clean. Except now, it looked as though she was in danger.

I walked towards the door, noticing that Buffy didn't seem to be inside, but that at least one girl was in there. It wasn't her sister and I wanted to find out what was really going on. I checked behind me to see if the no-eye guys were there, and before knocking, composed myself, figuring out exactly how to tell Buffy who I was. I had my bag in hand, and was ready.

I looked back one more time and then knocked. I had to tell Buffy my secret. There was a vampire out there that had killed my mother, and if anyone could help me with the death of a vampire slayer in the past, it was the current, big-hearted slayer.

I heard someone from inside asking who it was.

"I'm Robin Wood. I'm the principal of the high school. I work with Buffy. Is she here?"

The voice wasn't Buffy, or Dawn's, but it was obvious that whoever it was didn't want to answer the door out of fear of something. If the vampire slayer was here, if Buffy was here, then there wouldn't be the fear of opening a door going on.

Still, I waited for the door to be opened.

[Kennedy and the First(Gunn)]
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Sunnydale comes to L.A. [Nov. 13th, 2006|08:43 pm]
The Downward Spiral
This was crazy. Angel vs. Buffy. Angel vs. Spike. Spike vs. Buffy. Angel vs. the two broken windows and the scared little me screaming for her life inside. I kicked and swung my arms in every single direction I could get them to go. My eyes were closed but I knew he was there, reaching in the window trying to grab one of my limbs, or maybe my hair so he could drag me out of this car and make me his vampire love bitch for all eternity. More like vampire no lovin' punching bag because I think even without the soul, Angel's main obsession was still Buffy. He would want to hurt me, over and over, just to watch Buffy suffer. I guess as a vampire I wouldn't mind so much though. The thing was, I really did not want to be a vampire. No offense to Spike of course. So, I kept kicking and swinging my arms and screaming like a crazy person while all this stuff went through my head. I didn't even know that Angel had stopped trying to get me until he jumped up on top of the car and the roof caved in just a little bit more under his weight. Quickly I got down on the floor and curled up in a ball, starring at the ceiling.

"See you again, soon, lover." I heard him say to Buffy before the roof made another bent plastic and metal noise and he was gone.

I peeked up over the door frame to see where Buffy was. She was still standing next to the car, looking in the direction I assumed Angel had run off in. My eyes went from her to Spike and back to her again. Was it safe? Should I get out of the car? What if Spike went all crazy vampire again? Would Buffy even notice?

Slowly I scooted back up onto the seat but didn't get out. Just my luck I'd open the door and Angel would appear out of no where, snatch me up and carry me off some where dark and take a big swig out of me before making me just like him. Nope, not me. I was staying right here. You couldn't get me out of this car if my life depended on it. I liked my neck just the way it was thank you. No to mention the whole bumpy head thing probably wouldn't do much good for my already abnormally shaped face. No. I was gonna stay right here and wait for Spike and Buffy to get bac...

"It's safe now Dawn. You can come out."


Buffy already had the door open before I even answered her. I should have known we wouldn't be keeping this car. It was trashed and I wasn't even sure it would drive anymore. Plus, with the windshield smashed and the back windows completely gone, it wasn't exactly what you would call safe either.

Spike was up off the ground but I was still a little nervous. He had changed into something evil so fast that I was suddenly scared he would do it again and not just once or twice, but constantly. The First seriously had a sick sense of humor if you ask me. Changing him, making him turn on Buffy and just like that making him change back again. What was the point? Didn't the first want Buffy dead? So, why let Spike help her fight Angelus?

Because the others are still alive I thought. It was a weird sorta of comforting feeling. As long as they were alive the First wouldn't kill Buffy. Plus, they were still alive. Always a plus.

I found myself wondering what they must be doing back in Sunnydale right now as a car pulled up. I couldn't really tell in the dark, and the headlights were in my eyes as Buffy and I came around the side of our stolen, smashed up car, but I could have sworn it was Giles' car. But what would Giles be doing here? Had he brought them all with him? I looked behind the car and saw it was only the one. No way had they all gotten in that one single car. Who ever it was they were either alone, or there was only a few of them. Or, it wasn't even Giles at all. The latter possibility was one I didn't even wanna think about right now.

[Open to Spike, Buffy, Giles, Willow and Xander]
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Wake me up, before you go... [Nov. 13th, 2006|08:15 am]
The Downward Spiral
Whatever had been driving my body around for the last God only knows how long, was gone. It was the baby, it had to be. Even before Connor and I, even before we did what we did, it had somehow been there. I could feel it squirming around, just below the surface. Leave it to me to think my problems were to small to acknowledge. Don't worry about Cordy, she'll be fine. I just need to be alone Angel so I can stew over your past and pretend like we didn't have something before I became a "higher being". Higher being my ass. More like a jacked up, magic driven, super momma with a big flashing inter-dimensional taxi sign on my forehead. God, all the things that I'd done. Well, not me exactly, but this thing that pushed itself to the surface and pretended to be me. All those innocent people...the girl and Lilah. Well, Lilah was far from innocent but that really wasn't the point. Plus all the people out there who still didn't realize just how dangerous permanent midnight could really be. They wouldn't understand what was happening and they'd have no way to defend themselves. Oh God, what have I done?

And Connor. The thing might not have been in his body but it had taken him for a ride too. He believed the baby was good and special, just like he was. I could see the hope in his eyes, that proud look of becoming a father. I knew the look because I remember seeing it in Angel's eyes when Connor was on the way. Like father, like son. It was almost like for the first time since coming back from the horrible hell dimension his life had some sort of meaning. And now, all that was gone. The baby was gone and I was unconscious, unable to comfort him. I felt so unbelievably helpless. Even more then I did when my body snatcher was at the controls. What made it worse was the fact I had pushed him out. Right before the never ending sleep decided to take over, I had drove him out. I couldn't bare to look at him knowing what we had done and how ashamed I was. It wasn't his fault and I shouldn't have treated him like it was, I just couldn't help it. All I could do was hope the rest of them would find him in time before he did something crazy.

I think at some point he had come back to move me but I couldn't be sure. It was kinda hard to tell what was real and what was in my head, it had been so long since I had had to try and make sense of the things around me. Where ever I was, where ever my body was, I knew I was safe I could feel it. But for how long? The beast was still out there not to mention all the vampires and other bump in the night creatures. And the baby. Where had it gone? Was it dead, invisible, somewhere other then here? Despite my motherly instincts, the idea of it being out there scared the crap out of me. Whatever my baby was, it was strong and very powerful, and hungry. I remember the hunger. A deep, sickening hunger...I want to say for life, but somehow that just seems to weird to even try and comprehend. All I know is it wasn't good and if it was still out there, permanent midnight was the least of our worries.

I really don't know how long I was there, where ever there was, thinking about everything that happened, when someone came. Connor? It had to be. The place still felt safe to me. None of my demony parts were tingly. But there was more then just one set of foot steps, I think. Maybe two or even three. Had he brought Wes and Fred and Gunn back with him? Better yet, did he bring to cast some kind of spell to wake me up because I gotta tell ya, this was even more boring then when I was a higher being.

[Open to Connor, Faith, Wesley]
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Connor [Nov. 9th, 2006|09:40 pm]
The Downward Spiral
Wes drove. I half expected him to stop every time we past a gang of vamps snacking on their latest appetizer, but he didn't. This definitely was not the Wes I knew. That Wes would have tried to save every last one of them even if he got himself killed in the process. I couldn't believe how many we saw. Shouldn't these people be in doors, locked away somewhere safe? Of course not. This was L.A. the city that never sleeps, or has survival skills apparently.

I wasn't even sure Wes had any clue where we were going. If he was looking for Angel he wasting him time. Something told me we wouldn't find Angel until Angel wanted to be found.

Wes slammed on the brakes. "Faith, see that boy, that's Connor, Angel's son."

Angel's son? Well I'll be damned. Who would have thought the big guy could pull off something as crazy as having a kid? Man, was there anything that guy couldn't do? Besides get a tan I mean. I don't even think I wanna know the mechanics of how this was all possible. I mean, I get the gist, as disgusting as that was, but the rest of it I'm sure was some kind of book wormy prophetic type crap that I'd never understand anyway, so why bother. The kid though, he was somethin' out there kickin' some wicked vampire ass. Apparently the whole super strength thing was passed down in the jeans. Like father like son I thought. And then, I thought. Was this kid a vamp too? Exactly how much of Angel had been passed down? Man, I really was not looking forward to kickin' Angel's sons ass if he stepped out of line. But I would.

I threw the door open and moved in on the kids thunder. No doubt, from what I could see already, he could have handled the fang boys by himself but hey, what better way to introduce myself then to give the kid a hand and dust a few vamps while I was at it. He didn't even break a stride when I stepped in. Yeah he was good -I dust one of the bastards- but let's face it, I was better. Soft or not, I still had it. These vamps didn't even know what hit 'em.

"Angel's kid, right?" I asked once the dust cleared. "I'm Faith."

[Open to Connor and Wes]
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