|Thankfully, it's the real Buffy...
||[Oct. 15th, 2006|03:42 pm]
The Downward Spiral
It didn't seem like this was my purpose. Bloody get a soul only to have the First and greatest evil of all time using me as his or her sodding puppet, depending on who the First chose to use as it's bloody sightline.
The First was out trying to sodding kill Buffy, and yet, I was chained up, couldn't help, and then, when the First didn't send his or her evil vampire after Buffy, I ended up getting tortured and beaten, and bloody worse, the face of the First as she instructed the uber-vamp to punish me, and dunk me under cold water, was none other then Buffy, herself, which hurt the most. Started out as Drusilla, but eventually, the First, blaming me for being a sad instrument of his or her chaos, chose to stick the dagger in without actually killing me, by becoming Buffy when the harsh words were said and the harsh things were done to me.
Buffy lingered around, telling me how much that she didn't love me, only it wasn't Buffy. Had long since learned that this was the First and that everything coming out of his or her Ghostly and ineffectual mouth, was designed to make one suffer. Had enough of the physical pain to not worry about the mental. Still, hearing the First say that he or she knew what was in everyone's hearts, whether they were good or evil, and then proceed to bloody tell me that Buffy didn't love me. Buffy was just keeping me around because she was afraid of me...of the First evil, and that when it was all said and done, and when she was dead, that she would go to her grave caring about Angel, who by the way, wasn't such a nice guy anymore, and not about me, and that she would go to her grave and this time, she wouldn't be brought back.
Didn't blow that one off. Couldn't. Deep down, had felt it was true. Hadn't come back to win Buffy's love. Had gotten the soul to be a part of the team, to help, and to make a difference, but as much as I convinced myself of that and as much as I would never touch her again like I had in her bathroom that night...in as much as I would never harm and had to help the girls and the main girl being Buffy, I knew that it was a shot through my heart with something pointy and wooden. The First was trying to press my buttons, and it was starting to work. I closed my eyes, not listening to her, anymore. All that I did was suck the blood in and lived with the pain, knowing that the uber-vamp would be back to deliver more.
Except, that this time around, I heard a moan and looked up to see Buffy, again. Thought that if I just ignored he/she, that eventually, she would quit with her evil sodding prattle pointed directly and expressly at me, but it wasn't the case. Now, he or she wanted to ride me even more and bring things to light that were even more troubling. I readied for it, until I felt a hand on my chest, and in the distance, saw Dawn watching and smiling at me. As she undid the knots, I fell into her arms, sore, battered, and just glad that she was here. This might be the last time that I touch her, but it was amazing.
She had defeated the uber-vamp. She had to have, or she wouldn't have brought the niblet along for the ride. All was safe here at the hellmouth, at least for now, well, except for my annoying controlled-by-the-first tendency, but all wasn't safe everywhere. The First was controlling evil things elsewhere. The First had told me, and now, Buffy had to know.
"Thank God, love. I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life being tortured."
Dawn came towards us. "Buffy, you've killed the uber, ugly ass vamp?"
She nodded and I took a step and then a second one, feeling better then I had expected to, albeit that I was battered, her arm around my shoulder, supporting me as we walked towards the entrance to the cave.
"I'm glad. Know that the first can still control me, somehow, some way. Know that I've done bad things, but at least things are safe for all of the girls back at the ranch, but..."
I stopped and she looked at me, and it was clear to me what we had to do, and it would probably be clear to Buffy. She was going to push me now about the but that I had said and didn't elaborate on, and I knew that I was going to have to tell her about Angel being Angelus and about Los Angeles being a bloody devil's playground, what with the sun being gone and all, which I wondered as well, if she knew about.
[Buffy and Dawn]