||[Jan. 7th, 2007|12:02 am]
The Downward Spiral
I really had hoped this wouldn't happen now. Connor seemed to be ok as long as Faith was around and I figured that might buy me some time before we would have to talk about what happened between us, but I was wrong. Connor had taken one look at Wes and I in the basement and it was all over from there. Not even the fact that Faith was there was keeping him from taking off, again, and he made absolutely no effort to hide how true that was as he took off up the stairs. With a sigh, and not even so much as a glance behind me, I followed him.
He didn't get far before I was on him; hands on his shoulders and turning him toward me where I knew he had no choice but to pay attention. This was probably going to be one of the hardest conversations I'd ever have to have. Not only was talking to Connor like talking to a wall some times, but we were about to talk us and our baby, two issues Connor obviously hated me for even though neither one was truly my fault.
"Connor listen..." I started and then had absolutely no clue where to go from there.
I wanted to tell him that what we had wasn't real but that would have been a lie. It was real for him, very real and nothing in the world was going to change that. The demon, or whatever it was, that had crawled around inside me and made me do things I never would have done otherwise had taken advantage of Connors feelings for me and when it had left my body it had taken all those warm feelings of his with it. Now all I was looking at was the cold hard face of the boy whose diapers I used to change.
I decided to skip all the before stuff and head right into the baby conversation.
"I want to know what happened to our baby just as much as you do. And, we will figure it out. But, we have to be patient. If we don't get Angel's soul back, kill the beast and turn the sun back on, what sort of place is this going to be for our baby anyway? Think about it Connor, think about what it was like for you. Do you want the same sort of childhood for our baby?"
It was true, all of it. I wanted to know what happened to my baby just as much as he did but, if we didn't do what needed to be done now, what sort of life would we be giving that child...if there even was a child that is. All, I could do was hope Connor would see this, and understand.
I was hoping for a miracle.
[[Open for Connor]]